Her Lionheart
by native portlandian
Summary: No matter what, he would always find her. Post-Destroy ending. Rating may change.
1. Chapter 1

_"So…I guess this is…"_

 _"Just like old times?"_

It was dark. He didn't know where he was.

 _"Might be the last chance we get to say that."_

His head was pounding.

 _"You think we're gonna lose?"_

 _"No. I think we're 'bout to kick the Reapers back in to whatever black hole they crawled out of."_

His whole body was sore, really.

 _"Then we're gonna live somewhere warm and tropical and live off the royalties from the vids."_

Spirits, what _day_ was it?

 _"Maybe we'll find out what a Turian-Human baby looks like."_

 _"I'm game. Though I think adoption's a better idea. Biology might not cooperate."_

He took a deep breath, but let it out with a harsh, hacking cough.

 _"I suppose there will be a lot of little Krogan around soon."_

 _"We just have to beat the Reapers first."_

His lungs felt like they were full of sand.

 _"James told me there's an old saying here on Earth: May you be in Heaven half an hour before the Devil knows you're dead."_

His eyes wrenched open, revealing a still-somewhat blurry world around him.

 _"Not sure if Turian Heaven is the same as yours, but if this thing goes sideways and we both end up there, meet me at the bar. I'm buying."_

He lifted a hand to wipe it down his face. His shoulder made him groan in pain. It was in a sling at his side.

 _"We're a team, Garrus. There's no Shepard without Vakarian. So you better remember to duck."_

As his eyes focused, he slowly realized where he was.

 _"Sorry, Turians don't know how. But I'll improvise."_

It was the medbay. The Normandy SR2 medbay.

 _"And Shepard –"_

He was alone.

 _"Forgive the insubordination, but your boyfriend has an order for you."_

It was dark. The only light came from the monitors across the room.

 _"Come back. Alive."_

His swallowed, panic rising in his chest. He hated the goddamn medbay. Why was he in the goddamn medbay?

 _"It'd be an awfully empty galaxy without you."_

He pushed himself up with his good arm, ignoring the straining pain in his muscles. Someone had removed his armor, leaving him in just the thin cloth beneath. It was dirty and smelled like blood.

 _"Goodbye Garrus. And if I'm up there in that bar and you're not, I'll be looking down on you. You'll never be alone."_

He stumbled as he made his first step forward, his legs giving out beneath him. He fell to his knees and stifled a curse. He hadn't felt this awful since he got his fucking face blown up.

 _"Never."_

Garrus kneeled on the floor of the Normandy medbay, feeling dizzy and tired. His mind raced as he tried to put the pieces of what had happened back together. They had said goodbye, but they'd fought at each other's side, right? He'd been watching her six, keeping her safe in that hellzone that was London. He tried to access his visor before realizing it wasn't there. He cursed, out loud this time. He was going to strangle whoever had moved his shit.

Slowly, he got to his feet. His legs shook, but he forced them to move. He paced slowly across the floor, over to the monitors. First, he checked the time. 1:10 a.m. Then the date. Approximately twenty-four hours since the Reaper invasion of Earth. Twenty-four hours since…

Where was Shepard?

His gut clenched in panic. He couldn't remember when he had last seen her. His memories were so fuzzy…

Garrus lurched for the medbay door and opened it, stumbling out into the hallway. It was dark in there as well, which made sense. He was unsure where to go, only knowing that he desperately needed to speak to someone, _anyone._

Hoping for the best, he turned himself toward the canteen. Walking was difficult, but he didn't stop. He didn't even care that he was basically wearing nothing but underwear. He had questions, and those questions needed to be answered as soon as possible.

He opened the door to the canteen and was relieved to find Kaiden sitting at a table, staring blankly at a glass filled with white liquid.

"Kaiden," Garrus rasped. His voice sounded foreign.

The human glanced up. His eyes were dull. "Garrus," he greeted. "You're up."

"Of course I'm up," Garrus snapped. He was much too anxious to be cordial. "Where are my things?"

"In a box by your bunk," the soldier said, lifting the drink to his lips. "Geez. You act like we confiscated it. You were bleeding everywhere, Garrus."

Garrus huffed. He turned to walk to the elevator, but instead crumpled again, his legs betraying him once more. Kaiden made a noise of surprise and got up, jogging over to his teammate. He knelt beside Garrus, offering his arm. The Turian took it. He wasn't proud enough to deny help when he needed it. Kaiden helped him over to a chair and Garrus practically fell into it, his shoulder jolting in its sling. Garrus hissed in pain.

Kaiden's eyebrows were drawn together in concern. "Are you okay, man? I don't even think you're supposed to be walking around yet."

"I'm alright," Garrus muttered. "But my memory isn't serving me too well. Considering we aren't dead, we won the Reaper war, didn't we?"

Kaiden glanced away. His lips pursed. "I guess."

"What do you mean, 'you guess'?" Garrus said, some of his characteristic snark coming back into his voice. "Wasn't the Reapers' goal to eliminate organic life? In that case, they missed a few."

Kaiden didn't laugh. If anything, his frown deepened. "We lost people, Garrus. Admiral Anderson, Edi –"

"Edi?" Garrus interrupted. "She's part of the ship. Can't we just find her a new body?"

His sqaudmate looked down at his hands. They were covered in cuts. "What do you last remember, Garrus?"

Garrus thought for a moment, raking his blurred memories. "We were running to the beam," he said, after a moment. "Taking heavy fire. There was flaming rubble falling from the sky." He stopped, thinking. "Something happened. Were we hit?"

"A car exploded next to us," Kaiden offered. "You were thrown. You hit your head and dislocated your shoulder. Shepard ordered an evac." He began to chew his lip. "She left us behind and kept going."

Garrus' heart was thudding. He felt shaky. It was all coming back to him – the explosion, the evac…

Her goodbye.

The panic began to bubble up again. "Kaiden, is she okay?"

The biotic's eyes were filled with tears. "She saved everyone."

Garrus growled and forced himself to his feet. "Is she alive? Answer me!"

A tear forced its way passed the human's eyelid. As it fell, it left a shiny trail down his cheek. "No."

The world fell away. Dimly, he felt himself fall back into the chair. _Dead_? Shepard couldn't die. She'd already died and come back, and _that's_ how good at not dying she was. Of course, they'd always known it to be a possibility, going into a war they couldn't possibly win. But the sheer reality of it didn't make sense.

She said she'd come back.

"Did you find…anything?" he rasped. His throat suddenly felt very tight.

"If you mean tags, then no," Kaiden said. His voice was quiet. "But there was no way someone could have survived that blast."

Garrus remained silent for a moment. Then, without a word, he stood up and walked shakily to the elevator. Kaiden watched him go, tears still dripping down his cheeks.

The area of the Normandy that housed crew quarters was silent. Garrus opened the door to his tiny room, feeling sluggish.

His bunk was cold.

His bed was made, and on top of it was a large crate filled with his blackened armor. Next to it lay his visor.

He picked it up, turning it over in his hands. Should he wipe it? It held a lot of memories. He'd have to wipe his Omni-Tool too. Garrus laughed bitterly. If only he could wipe his own brain, just forget about all this shit.

Without really thinking about it he put on his visor and turned it on. All of his usual stuff came up immediately, which gave him a tiny sense of relief. It felt normal again.

And then something caught his attention.

It was a very normal setting someone like him would have. Just a little blip informing him of his squadmate's vitals. He always programmed it before going on missions. It was so usual that it could have been a clock, but now it drew his attention and made his heart stop in his chest.

It was her vitals. The little line was not flat, but dipped into tiny hills and valleys, almost imperceptible. It was evident of one thing.

Shepard's heartrate was still going.

She was alive.


	2. Chapter 2

Garrus paced back and forth in his quarters, focusing intently on his Omni-Tool and nearly running into the wall with each tight turn. He was typing out his 236th message to Shepard, asking the same question as he already had 236 times: _Are you okay?_

He'd attempting calling it, but with the mass effect relays down, he was unable to make contact with anyone outside the system they were currently in. It was horrifically frustrating. He would much rather go toe-to-toe with a hoard of Rachni than spend another second stuck out here while Shepard could be in danger.

The rest of the Normandy crew had been shocked to hear his news, most reacting with various levels of disbelief. Liara had actually been outright angry with him.

"Shepard sacrificed herself for the good of all of us," she snapped, blue eyes flaring with uncharacteristic anger. "Let us move on, Garrus."

"You don't understand," he pushed. "My visor, her vitals –"

"You got knocked around pretty hard," Kaiden offered, having stepped in to prevent a fight. "It's possible that your visor broke."

"That doesn't even make sense," Garrus said, mandibles flaring. "She's alive. I'm sure of it."

Tali had been more willing to believe him. She'd squealed and hugged him, practically screaming, "I knew it! I knew it!" It felt good to have some positivity, to have someone on his side. But just having one person was…a little disheartening. Not that he needed support – he'd be willing to find his own way across the entire galaxy to save Shepard.

But he was starting to doubt himself. What if Kaiden was right? What if his visor was malfunctioning? What if it had been bumped when he hit his head and now only showed the data that was on it at the time? But that couldn't be correct. Everything else was normal. Spirits, this was all so confusing.

Between sending messages on his Omni-Tool, Garrus took apart his visor and then put it back together again. Powering it back up, the same data was given to him: Shepard's heart was still beating.

He worried as to why she wasn't responding to him. Why hadn't she gotten in contact with him, or anyone? Was she still on Earth? Was she injured? Was she trapped somewhere? Was she dying?

Garrus slammed his fist on the wall, gritting his teeth in stress. He wasn't sure how much longer he could endure the torture of not knowing. He desperately needed to have her near him again, to hold her close and smell her shampoo. To know where she was and that he could protect her.

Spirits, he needed to shoot something. He sat on his cot and began to take his gun apart. Usually, this ritual of cleaning and rebuilding calmed him, but it just made him more frustrated.

The knock on his door nearly made him raise the rifle he was holding and shoot. He stopped himself at the last second, taking a deep breath and putting the gun down. "Yes?"

"Garrus?" It was Liara. "I want to talk."

He briefly considered telling her to go away. The last thing he needed was another lecture. But her voice was soft – she wasn't looking for a fight.

"Come in," he grunted. "Door's unlocked."

The Asari opened the door very slowly, as if afraid he was attack her. Made sense, considering the last time they spoke he had considered it. She didn't meet his gaze when she slid inside, keeping the door cracked behind her.

"Garrus," she began, clutching her small, chubby hands together, "I want to apologize for how I acted the other day. It wasn't very kind."

Garrus flicked his mandibles. He wasn't entirely sure what to say, so he kept his mouth shut. Liara didn't need an invitation to continue. It seemed like she had prepared her speech beforehand.

"I know Shepard meant a great deal to you. She meant a lot to all of us, but especially to you." She looked away again, her blue eyes shining with tears. "When she died before, I looked for her for…years. I was the one who couldn't believe that she had died." She sighed, closing her eyes. "It is hypocritical of me to be cross with you for having hope."

"She's out there, Liara," Garrus said, his voice quiet. "I can't give up on her. I know she'd never give up on me."

Liara smiled sadly. "I know," she murmured. She took a few steps toward his bunk and sat next to him, keeping her perfect posture. "The other day, when you didn't put her name on the wall with the others, I was afraid that you were…spiraling." Liara shifted, uncomfortable. "You…did not handle Shepard's first death very well."

Garrus huffed his first real laugh in days. "That's the understatement of the year, Dr. T'Soni."

The Asari was quiet for a moment. Garrus stared at his rifle. It was laying loosely in his hands, its blue paint chipped off in various places. He ran a hand over it, his stomach clenching. It'd been a gift from Shepard, not too long before…

"I want to help you." Garrus glanced up in surprise, his mandibles flaring. Liara was looking directly into his face, her jaw set. "I have a lot of connections, being the Shadow Broker and all. I can get you on a ship capable of getting you to Earth within a few days."

Garrus struggled to find words. "Liara, how –"

She raised a small, human-like hand. "It would be no problem at all. I am owed several favors. If one of them could get you any closer to bringing Shepard back to us, I would be honored to use them all."

The Turian swallowed. His hands were shaking. "You have no idea how much this means to me."

Liara's smile reappeared. "If anyone can bring her back Garrus, it'd be you."

 _+Sorry this is so short. I promise the next one will be longer :)+_


	3. Chapter 3

Garrus had only been to Earth once in his life, and that was spent thinking he was going to die. So, in his mind's eye, Earth was…shitty. He was sure it had once been beautiful, what with its lush greenery and towering structures, all built by the most fragile of the Galaxy's species.

But now, it looked like a dump. The spaceport at London was destroyed, so the little Volus carrier ship that had taken him to Earth had dropped him off in one of the lesser decimated parts of the area – which happened to be a moor several miles from the actual city. He was grateful all the same, and attempted to pay his brief hosts with whatever chits he had left. But the two Volus had thrown up their hands and backed away, saying that it was their pleasure and to _please_ thank the Shadow Broker for such an opportunity.

The air still smelled like smoke, even if it had been something of a week since the battle. In the distance, Garrus could make out the blackened husks of what had once been huge buildings, now brought down to half their original size. If he squinted, he could barely make out the fallen corpse of a Reaper, its once bright cybernetics now black and dead. He grunted in satisfaction. If they had done anything right, it was surely that.

The trek towards the city was long and wearing. He had brought along a small pack of provisions along with his rifle – enough to last him a few days at least. He'd worry about anything else later – Shepard needed him.

Garrus came upon hunks of blackened metal and stone that increased in number the closer he got to the city. It truly did look like the warzone it was. With a sharp pang in his chest, he realized Palaven must not look much different.

Thinking of his home planet brought his father and sister to the forefront of his mind. Guiltily, he realized that he hadn't attempted contact with them yet. For all he knew, they were dead. They almost certainly thought he was.

 _They'd understand_ , he told himself. Because he knew they were still alive, just like he knew Shepard was. But Solana and Castis had each other – Shepard was alone. The thought of his dear commander made him walk even faster, weaving in between fallen structures and crawling over broken fences.

London was as empty as he had expected. With the survivors of the assault having been evacuated to safer locations, the city felt dead. As Garrus made his way quietly around the broken streets, he tried not to look at the signs of death all around: the blackened outline of a crouching form against a building, a gray hand reaching from beneath a pile of rubble, a gun laying abandoned and crushed on the sidewalk. Thankfully, most of the bodies had been retrieved – Garrus wasn't sure how he'd be able to cope if there were corpses in plain sight.

He came upon the shell of a Reaper, its massive form taking up a good portion of this side of the city. Getting close to it made his lungs seize with fear, but there was really no way around it. He walked up to it, the acrid stench of smoke making his nostrils burn. He coughed, backing away slightly from the corpse. It had definitely been on fire at one point, and the burning cybernetics probably created poisonous fumes. Garrus brought his helmet up, letting out a sigh of relief as the worst of the smoke was filtered away.

The Reaper, despite its massive size, looked a lot sadder in the light of day. Like a fallen warship, it was crumpled and filled with burned holes. It looked like part of it had already been scrapped. The once vibrant cybernetic innards spilled out the sides like it had been gutted.

He gave its side a sharp kick, which made his foot hurt. At least it quelled the anger in his heart. At least for now.

Garrus continued walking through London as the sun set. He could see Earth's one moon in the sky, its ghostly form barely visible behind the thick clouds. He wasn't sure what he was looking for. He knew he was heading in the general direction of where the beam had been, of the center of the carnage. He was hoping to come across someone, anyone, but the streets were barren.

He hadn't noticed during the battle, but Garrus was slowly becoming aware of how _cold_ Earth was at night. Not as cold as ice planets, but definitely much less comfortable than he wanted. Garrus begrudgingly turned on one of the heat coils inside his armor, not wanting to waste it but also already much too cold.

The darkness was settling, and Garrus realized that he'd need to find shelter soon. Of the buildings that were still upright, not a lot of them looked habitable. So he kept walking, keeping an eye out for somewhere he could hold up. He wasn't too sure about Earth, but walking around at night alone on Palaven was asking for some predator to pick you up as its dinner.

As he was walking down one of the less damaged streets, something caught his eye. It was an orange glow inside a broken window on the upper part of a mostly-intact building. A fire? Feeling mildly optimistic about finding someone, he made his way over to the building.

The door was easy enough to open – the only thing holding it from falling over was a chair made of wood. Not the sturdiest material, Garrus mused. He wondered why humans bothered still using it.

Not wanting to look threatening (which was stupid, he realized, as these could be humans who had never seen a Turian before), Garrus settled his rifle behind his back. However, his pistol remained ready at his hip. Slowly, he ascended the stairs. He could hear voices – a good sign. There were definitely beings up here. Hopefully they were willing to be friendly.

The door to the room with light in it was closed. The voices here were louder, but he couldn't quite pick up what they were saying. Suddenly feeling sheepish, Garrus almost went back down the stairs. But the voice in the back of his head (which sounded an awful lot like Shepard's) told him not to be such a pussy. He knocked.

The voices in the room stopped abruptly. He could hear a few murmurings, and then footsteps. Garrus sent a small prayer to whoever was listening that he wasn't about to be shot on the spot.

The door opened a crack, revealing the face of a human man. He looked young, but not unsure of himself. "Who are you? What do you want?"

Garrus cleared his throat. "My name is Garrus Vakarian. I'm looking for someone. Perhaps you've seen her."

The man shook his head. "Nope. You're the first Turian I've seen in a week." He started to close the door, but Garrus caught it, desperation making him reckless.

"She isn't Turian," he said, "she's human."

The man stopped trying to close the door, reopening it slightly. He looked Garrus up and down, his mouth pinched.

"Fine," he said, giving in. "You can come in. But leave your weapons outside."

Garrus hated parting with his rifle even for a second, but he took it off and lay it down next to the door, along with his pistol. The young man seemed to sense his discomfort, because he gave Garrus a slight grin. "Don't worry, it'll be safe. There's nobody out here." Garrus didn't bother pointing out that _he_ had been out there, but didn't want to push his chance to have a warm place to sleep and some questions answered. He stepped gratefully into the room.

There were six other humans in the room, all sitting around a contained fire. They all glanced up at him as he answered, eyes wary. One of the humans, a skinny male, immediately leaped up and threw himself against the wall.

"You let him in?" he snarled, narrow eyes flashing angrily at the man who had opened the door. "What the fuck are you thinking?"

The original man grimaced. "He's harmless. I took away his weapons."

"He's still a bloody alien," the skinny man said. His eyes darted to Garrus. "Fuck knows what he could do."

"Oh, shut up, Cole," one of the other humans, a female, said. "If you left your flat more often you'd see more aliens." She turned to Garrus and smiled. It struck him how similar to Shepard she looked – red hair, green eyes, and numerous freckles. She was much younger, however. Humans could look similar to him sometimes. "Don't mind him, he's a fucking freak. I'm Souzan."

"Garrus," Garrus greeted back. "And don't worry, I won't savage you." She laughed, but Cole glowered.

"I'm Brandon," the man who had answered the door said. "And that's Tavi, Fayth, Stroud, and Layla." He pointed to each of the other humans, whom Garrus nodded to.

"Have a seat!" Souzan said, patting the floor next to her. Garrus didn't much like sitting on the ground, but he took the seat anyway, not wanting to offend his hosts.

"So you're looking for someone?" Brandon asked. He had remained standing, his back against the door. Garrus suddenly realized that he was the only human in the room wearing military fatigues.

"Yes," Garrus said. He was feeling very large in this room – usually there was someone bigger than him. Then again, he was surrounded by humans. "An Alliance commander. Jane Shepard."

The room went quiet. Even Cole, who was still pasted to the corner, looked mildly surprised.

"You're looking for Commander Shepard?" one of the women – Tavi – asked. Garrus nodded.

"Do you know her? I know she spent some time in London –"

"Of course we know her," Souzan interrupted. Her eyes were huge. "She's super famous."

"I mean, she's the first human spectre," Brandon put in. "That's huge for humanity."

"Plus she was in the top vids for the last three weeks," Tavi added. "I don't think I know anyone who wouldn't recognize that name."

Garrus felt like an idiot. Of course they'd know who Shepard was – she was basically humanity's savior. But this also meant that she could be easier to locate.

"Have you seen her?" he asked, his subvocals just barely squeaking in desperation. Spirits, if he had been talking to another Turian they would have laughed. Luckily, the humans' hearing wasn't nearly sensitive enough.

They all looked at each other, suddenly quiet. One of the females who hadn't spoken yet looked over at him with questioning brown eyes.

"Isn't she dead?"

Garrus growled in frustration. "She isn't actually, and I know she's out here somewhere. I _need_ to find her as soon as possible."

"I think we would have noticed Commander Shepard wandering the streets of London," Cole grumbled. "If she isn't buried under the rubble like everyone else."

Garrus snapped his teeth on an angry retort. He stood up and paced to the window, sweeping some of the glass away so he could lean out and feel the air. With all the time he'd spent around Shepard and the Normandy crew, he'd forgotten how annoying some humans could be.

"Did the council send you to find her?" the small voice of the brown-eyed girl piped up. He'd already forgotten her name.

"Not exactly," he said slowly, unsure whether or not he should trust these people with his reasons for being here.

"Then why are you here?" Cole spat. "Chasing ghosts? You some fan or something?"

Garrus spun suddenly, his anger making him clutch his talons into fists. "Because she's my mate, you squishy idiot!"

Everyone stared at him once again, expressions of total surprise on their faces. Garrus quickly realized what he had said and cursed. He was more stressed than he thought, having an outburst like that. It took a great deal to make him angry.

"She's your mate?" Souzan asked, her eyes like tiny moons.

Not seeing the point in denying it, Garrus nodded. It felt…strange to say it aloud. He'd barely even thought about the term, let alone admit it to himself or a bunch of aliens. "Yes," he said, his deeper vocals humming with embarrassment. "So you understand why I need to help her."

The brown-eyed girl glanced at Souzan, and then at Brandon. "We have to help him," she said.

Brandon raised an eyebrow. "How are we supposed to do that, Layla? We barely know what to do with ourselves."

"It's for love, Brandon!" Souzan exclaimed, leaning over Layla. "Like _Fleet and Flotilla_! Don't you remember the episode when –"

"This isn't your alien soap opera, Souz," the quiet man in the back said. His voice was deep, almost like a Krogan's. "And we already promised that we'd look for supplies at the Port, which is in the completely opposite direction."

"Stroud's right," Brandon said. Souzan opened his mouth to protest, but he raised his palm. "We can't help Garrus. I'm sorry."

Garrus could almost feel his energy leaving him like a deflating balloon. The first hope he'd come across, and they were useless. He'd have to go on alone, and try and find his way towards her.

"But we can take him to someone who can help," Brandon said. Garrus's head whipped up, letting out a trill of hope. "One of us can take him to Colonel Stark – if anyone can help him, he can."

"I can take him," Layla offered, raising a petite hand. "He is my father after all. He'd listen to me. And I trust Garrus."

"He's my father too!" Souzan argued, giving Layla a somewhat forceful nudge. Garrus hoped that Brandon wouldn't agree to let her come – she was proving to be exhausting.

"Your sister has some medical training," Brandon growled. "She can actually be some help." Souzan pouted, but didn't argue further.

"It's very kind of you to be doing this," Garrus said, bowing his head down slightly. "I don't want to impede what you're doing in any way."

"It's no problem," Layla shrugged. "I need a break from Cole anyway." The mentioned man huffed and turned his head away. Garrus felt his mandibles twitch into a smile.

"That settles it then," Brandon said. "We leave first thing in the morning."


End file.
